thoughts 5

jan

copulatory1 and non-copulatory2 friends bother difficult
1 other has really high standard (if girl)
2 other has no reason to hang out with you if not copulating

research method: write down your ideas on how to solve problem, then look up other people's ideas, understand them, and use them - then come back to your ideas (if you don't find them in the literature)

spirited away: maybe odd because as former christian i think of spirits as non-biological

is suicide natural

i suppose there is a global consciousness of some sort but we can't feel it anymore than a neuron can feel our personal consciousness. (James Redfield wrote fiction about experienceing it)

pam said geniuses are typically self-absorbed
i like the idea of self-absorbed better than "selfish" as nico put it
(when she was talking about me not going to best school)
[she said einstein cut himself off from society when he was older]


pam said her favorite drink is water (is said cranberry juice, in responce to john) if her favorite drink is water, what's here favorite activity? - breathing?





so you want to throw out the photon idea altogether.

pull out your plastic glow blug for 1988 (wich glows green in the dark) and one of the electrons slows down so the energy most have gone somewhere. Then God uses a differential equation to figure out the probability of the energy popping up in some other atom in the universe, and the probability distribution changes with time. Gods rolls a gigantic dice that decides wich atom in the universe and what point it time - and interprets the value so that it fits the probability distribution. And then the energy pops up, maybe in a rod cell in your eyeball. No photon particle needed.

really the reason i went and bothered john wood was because i didn't understand why photons are neccessary. i'm still bothered by this idea of God choosing "atoms" though. atom is just a bunch of "particles" close to each other. why not choose a molecule, or a supermolecule or whatever. --maybe it's just unlikely -- maybe it's just more probable for electrons
--------does the energy have to match exactly?
really the reason i went and bothered john wood was because i didn't understand why photons are neccessary. i'm still bothered by this idea of God choosing electons of "atoms" though. my people talk about electrons near a nucleus because they can calculate ~exactly how much energy it takes to change the state. but when the electrons a just floating around someplace not exactly on an atom,
---[noticed after going to sleep and waking up]their are prbably states defined by not just one energy well but lots of them (like the state in a metal they talk about in physics book) (eachenergy well can be from a nucleus) and it can transition to any of those states
--if it's moving from state to state, doesn't seem like it would go in a straigth line (like electrons do when you shoot them) - need to look into that

i think when you notice something after sleeping it's not neccesarrily because you figured it out in your sleep, you just woke up and your mind was clear enough to handle it (and had some background information from you thinking about it before)
[[don't fully remember: i asked john wood if two "photons" can basically combine from 2 different atoms and create one that's high enough energy to excite an electron that neither one alone could excite - violate the experiment they use to prove photons exist, like you can't affect an electron no matter how high the light intensity is because it's the wrong color. and he said that violation can happen but it's extremely improbable because the waves that represent the photons from 2 different atoms have to be coherent - i don't know what that means - but it convenced me that the idea of a photon as a particle is almost useless. i don't think the different "photons" really have any identity, any more that specific ripples in a pond do.]]


not what you know but what you do with it that counts
(pam didn't know about gato bariari, i don't know about a lot of stuff)

usually i'm at a loss for words
but with pam/john it's more like willy wonka - so much time so little to do(say) strike that reverse it

to remove that which is not essential.... that is my goal (thinking about fact that i don't write cheers at end of a message)

------------
to approach the particles in mathematica simulation of qm thing and are there muliple minds, forget sompletely about particles and just talk about a world that can have multiple simultaneous states (like turing machine and you can figure it out).
then show that it's valid to do that.
--------
actually maybe it doesn't get blurry boecause to reperent 1 particle say you need 2minisional plot of wave fn, but for 2 particles maybe i was thinking you just need two 2dimensional plots, but i think now that is totally wrong. you need 4 dimensional plot and with that it won't really get blurry, every single point in the space represents a possible configuration of the entire system. so you can have it get really blurry and stiff have each point representing a distince possibility ::::but what about interference.
if this sort of though experiment doesn't work, quantum mechanics is wrong
----------
i think it's okay to have the multiple universe thing. just image phase space and imaging a dot (starting point) that then sort of spreads out, that's the universe. there are lots of sort of copies of us (i guess that's what the sliders tv show is based on). IF you can get by with only one point, one dot at a time, without spreading, you don't need this rediculousness, but if you see something like interference between people in one universe and another then you probably do need it (or maybe not).
----
(that feynman book has a particle moving around randomly and creating an interfernce pattern i think - without using much of a wave.)


coulombs law and classical mechanics, would that be enough to create some sort of life


you can simulate a few molecules with a computer (molecular dynamics)
you can simulate a person by simulating all the molecules
you can simulate a computer with a sheet of paper
that means you could create an artificial human that is alive on a sheet of paper
but that means you could do a whole planet
or a galaxy
it would be slow and you would need a really big sheet of paper

i think (given nonexistant technology) you could gradually replace your
whole brain, piece by piece, with artificial components and never know the
difference.

pam said john is constantly absorbing things (reading)
my brain is more like a filter than a sponge

feb

i doubt that dreams go through time much different because you hear an alarm clock going off in a dream (real alarm clock) at (pretty much) regular speed

i get along well with vegetarians
(i think lauren was a vegetarian temporarily, ivy, austin, aunt georgian, pam, john was a vegetarian temporarily, alex rudnick)

you could do some neat experiments (like QED book) where you have chain reactions and lots of photons interact and you have to possibilities happening and interacting with each other (like schrodinger cat) but i think they don't interact much do to incoherence of the wave the defines probability - think that's what john wood said.

is there a relation between the electromagnetic oscillation frequency and the frequency used to calculate probability

publicly funded health means i have to worry about other people a little - i pay their bills (like if they eat regular peanut butter with bad preservatives)

reason to not smoke pot
i want to do a little something useful when i am feeling useless - not smoke a joint
when i'm on my death bed i don't want to look back and say what could i have done if all the joints were replaced with little useful things
i remember fritz saying he wasted a lot of time with pot (he said it and byran stripling repeated it to the guitar player with the damaged face)

why does milk and peanut butter go together (evolutionary reason? - what is the evolutionary reason)

for people that think based on what they have read (like elizabeth davis former room-mate) reading is a mind expanding experience. i don't really do that much but i do think alot based on my own experience. (also those that read bible and think it tells total truth)

i remember joy honey said if you sing or dance you have to give it all you have (or it's nothing) and she was right

caleb was saying when will i grow up and decide on something, i say you don't have to grow up or decide anything in this country, just pay taxes

---
colleen,

(assuming there were no ancient forms of birth control - i don't think there were)

the game really has changed

about 5 million years of human evolution without birth control and then suddenly it appears

not havine it probably meant that most women were pregnant by the time they were ~21

probably meant they were much more careful who they slept with
-there is some kind of weird emotional bonding that supposedly happens from screwing so haphazard screwing could cause some problems-

somebody told me that having a baby around that age makes a woman healthier all her life - i don't know if that's true - but it would make sense because it would have happened nearly always and the body would be tuned to it (through zillions of years of evolution)

and under most religions, not having birth control basically means you have to get married at an earlier age

i'm trying to reconcile your comment that birth control is the best thing that ever happened + my views on evolution + plus my sister's view on premarital sex causing problems

i don't think there's a very good answer to the whole thing.

but i know if i was a woman i may not want to have kids at all - even at risk of health or whatever.

and then there's that thing where women put of getting pregant so long that they can barely reproduce anymore when they want to - that basically couldn't happen without birthcontrol - then again science may fix that with spiffy fertilization technology.

in general i think when you do unnatural things it's okay but you have to be careful. because we are still part of nature and nature is where we grow up, it's what our bodies work with. but sometimes we can totally get around natural stuff and go much further (than nature alone would allow).

-rick
---


could it be that smart people aren't affected by laws that much and non-smart people are - maybe colleen can make right decision with sex/birth (she only has sex with people that are smart enough that the baby will be ok) but maybe alot of other people need a religion to tell them what to do


i'm always sending colleen messages about God and or sex because those are two things I know little about (or she seems to have an interest in that) (we have mutual interest)

i was just thinking maybe they should teach that truth comes in gradations in school. (after eamiling caleb about gradations of truth from 0 to 1, real number)
there was this exercise like 0 to 6 rank how bad something is, like stealing when you are starving, i put 0 or 6 on all of them just because i though it was a silly exercise, but that's what it was getting at.


women demand liars (have sex with them more)

economic competition is better than war competition, we are too good at killing each other now

why do people root for their home team?

comment from emory professor: collaboration correlates to people winning nobel prizes (schools with lots of collaboration generate nobel prizes) that indicates that the prizes aren't given to individuals, they are given to groups of people masked as individuals


--------
this might help: run the simulation all the way to the end - generate a probability distribution that tells you the possiblility of ending up in each possible state. you would get a correct dead or alive cat.

annoying part: i don't think you're allowed to say things like: the cat lived, lets continue from there. the mere possibility of the dead cat could change things in real life.

-----------

pretty girls are exactly femail, less science inclided, less pretty girl could have partial male characteristics - like that female boxer who looked male
certainly there are exceptions (maybe pam is one)
was talking with kate and idea the girl groups on reality tv shows loose and i figure this may be why (they pick them to be pretty)



unlike sylvia the art teacher:
i'd rather do nothing at all than something boring (like book binding) - this makes my personality somewhat unique - no solitaire
-or maybe not-


fun by yourself is addiction
fun with others is recreation
(i saw and ad for solitaire "addiction" on yahoo, this was not part of the ad, but it's what the ad made me think)




march

even the most selfish people like to help others


context sensitive personality
i remember those two guys in driver's ed that said thing about girls that grossed me out (when only males were present). and when the girls were present all of the sudden, they were totally different, reserved, almost puritan. i considered that lying and looked down on them for it, but now i see that men and women do that. it's normal human behavior even though it doesn't make any sense. this relates to the shawn dinner party, i should have modified my personality like i was with my grandmother.

i remember thinking it's ok if i don't have worldly accomplishments because i am better than may spiritually - i can see how that would justify people being less productive - make them feel better about incompetence - and i think that's the behavior that atlas shugged warns against. on the other hand it's important to society for people to be somewhat nice - though as rasconicof said, maybe sometimes more is to be gained by all if society if a few (highly productive) people do not follow the rules.


"Born white and Jewish, award-winning hip-hop artist Danny Hoch breathes life into a multicultural cast of characters in his one-man shows that explore cultural power in ways that are, at once, hilarious, heartbreaking and hopeful."
maybe jewish people have rythm like black people
arty shaw (or benny goodman?) was jewish

cats probably see people as multiple intities, a leg, and arm, like each is a different creature, but they may be right (correct)

gmail and google may last longer than our species

in my artificial world
all women: young beautiful intelligent
i would be the only male
i would be the fairest in the land - not because i was the only one, because all of them would be programmed to think i was beautiful

i suggested i was going to read a paper a day
she said why not a book / or do a problem
so i should
- read a chapter
or
- read a paper
or
- do a problem

every day


she also said while working at WREK gatech radio station, she accidentally
played miles davis on top of philip glass and people were calling in to
say how good it was

when somebody suggests something at a group meeting you should consider the benefits and the drawbacks (out loud)

long conversation with caleb (and nico) about explaining multiplication like as a gred of beans (checkers, whatever) and nico was in car too. and he said i sound like i'm arrogant. and i learned that i should put some stuff to make people understand that i am trying to learn from them and not thinking i know more than i do. kate told me about this. elizabeth was mad about it all the time. deiter yaeger started to assuming that i didn't think biology matters. butera has alwats been somewhat annoyed i think with my appearance of arrogance. judith hearsh at the interview noticed i was jumping to conclusion with the imaging thing. and bartlett mel thought i was off the mark too.
------->imortant: caleb suggested "grease" - insert phrases like, i don't mean to be argumentative, i just want to learn. (i said i didn't want to put an "i think" or "maybe this is true" before i said every phrase, but the grease would be a way to help the problem.
--
caleb said i think i'm right because i rely on logic but that logic doesn't apply to everthing - and in a way that may be correct. intuition can be more powerful, especially from an expert.


i said to pam (and john) (and josh, who is probably with bonnie) that statements are not true or false. they exist and you do with them as you please.

nico said music is more true than science.
because it captures emotion.

scientist build models to simplify reality
societies build religions, philosophy, laws

conversation starters:
-if you were marylin monrow, would you have killed yourself
-if you had to kill one person in the world, who would it be
-if you had to save one person in the world, who would it be


thinking about evolution as a way to generate humans. fact that steve deweerth and jim ross think that it's a 1 2 skip a few 99 100 theory. if god has a hand in creation, he probably does something little more abstract than building creatures directly, like he maintains the laws of physics

kate said she doesn't remember her dreams, and they are usually a core dump of what happened that day

autism center, Opal said i should form habits
one they are learned and 2nd nature, they decrease cognitive load for more important things
they also allow you to orgazine activities to maximize efficiency - like eat fruit loops while your clothes are drying
i suppose the tendency to form habits is programmed into people through evolution. (apparently it did make them more effecient) and people with OCD probably have the habit program turned on too strong (maybe some gene is overexpressed or whatever)


i told the emory autism person (opal) that wayne strothers (ga tech counselor) taught me how to say hello. with me, it's more about convincing than teaching. that is, i already knew how, i had just decided it didn't make any sense. [in general with me, it's more about convincing than teaching]

if i were an android, i would not strive to be human


byran stripling said he learned more from an oboes master class than any trumpet class (he's atrumpet player) in the same way i learned a lot from processing polyimide rather than pdms which may apply to processing pdms.

listening to somebody play sort of like radio head (matt taylor at open mike) can actually put a radio head song in your head (carma police)

chasing (hunting for) women at georgia tech is a fruitless endeavor

with music and verbal writing (and art), it's good to write things as they come rather that push them out

in responce to kate's words "mostly you adjust to the world, world adjust to you only a little"
i will adjust to the world, when i rot away and become a layer of dirt.

helps to think fast if you are lying or in a social situation - kate thinks fast (so did ryan)



in the land of the blind, the one eyed man is ridiculed

-as a scientist, only be an artist when you need to be
-(because being creative takes a long time)
-(copying is often faster)
-(copying frees up time for you to be creative where you need to be)

good arguments don't need rhetoric (unless to are talking to somebody that doesn't understand)

make a song by having the computer randomly pick group of notes (cord), then another group, etc. but you sit there and make sure they sound reasonable - that way you may get totally different cord changes than people have seen before (maybe not contrained to 12 tone scale)

red light for 60sec more annoying that 30min drive
kate annoyed with silence on telephone

cold air makes you have a sore throat no matter how thick your blanket is

considering unlikely bad things is one thing (considering likely bad things is another) (one is useful worrying, the other is useless) ieleen assuming i wrote down ghb to actually use it on people was needless worrying but maybe her general asumptions of the worst help her with research

kate said she's cleaning up because people are coming to see the lab
i bet messy labs are more productive
but since i think they are coming specifically to enforce cleanup her concern makes sense

10:07 PM 4/18/2005
i'm not as dumb as i act

12:11 AM 4/19/2005
for kate, and others, it's probably important to ask specific questions to
show interest
(i asked her about he drawing in general and she assumed i was
disinterested, as in too lazy too look at it)

2:02 PM 4/19/2005
my interactions with people are precious - precious few

12:41 PM 4/21/2005
think of people as computers and think of biographies as descriptions - you have to figure out the user guide for each person

1:21 PM 4/22/2005
maybe children don't want different food mixed because it gives their subconscious mind a chnage to chemically analyse each food separately (have a model of nutrients of each food so you can crave them later) coach burroughs said he likes the way his mother (maybe grandmother) made greens with fat (maybe fat back) in them - and i think vasseur said there are some foods you eat when you're little and then you like them - and there's some music you hear when you are around teenage years that really becomes your music - guy on the ken burns jazz documentary said that.

9:34 PM 4/22/2005
kate's like a squirrel seems harmless, but if you corner her (argue with her in front of somebody) she bites

3:15 PM 4/23/2005
chris the pothead and his relation to elizabeth (eliz liked pot a little more than the average person)
he needed a friend and sometimes it's more helpful to have a friend that accepts your bad habits (because the friend is comforting) than a friend that fights your habits. you ultimately have to choose to get over the bad habit yourself anyway - maybe the self esteem boost from the comforting friend can make that happen - on the other hand comforting friend may perpetuate bad habit

5:40 PM 4/25/2005
i often need help from other people to understand how to appreciate things
(pam was saying how my cat did neat things) i was saying the cat beautiful but i think she was implying that the cat is more than beautiful.

2:00 AM 4/30/2005
sometimes you don't recognize a song and it's actually better than when you realise what the melody is
(willow weep for me, the red garland trio)

May

12:23 PM 5/3/2005
nico said you could take some of your dark remarks and present them in a way that's entertaining rather than insulting (and i think she's right)

4:38 PM 5/3/2005
you could classify people by asking random questions. ask things like what is mars behind. this use these with machine learning to indentify people you want to hire or whatever. it may be more accurate than real questions because it will be harder to cheat.

4:56 PM 5/4/2005
yoyo ma tango cd pam gave me is so interesting i can listen to it in the background.
"soul of tango"

10:47 PM 5/4/2005
[the tango cd demands attention, pam suggested listing to it outside with headphones]

8:50 PM 5/8/2005
maybe because i don't fall asleep when i first get tired, i don't work well with th 24 hour day cycle (i just think that in general it takes me a while to fall asleep - i noticed that a long time ago when i saw nico go to sleep pretty quickly - though she may have been faking it)

12:24 PM 5/9/2005
this idea about limited time to practice time that austin suggested from the effortless mastery book is a good one. it could be used for anything that should be done a little bit each day. like typing practice or cleaning something. it takes away the ability to say "i don't have time". (nico actually said she limits herself to 20min of making herself look nice a day - though i think 20mins of that is a waste)

2:49 AM 5/12/2005
opal said adult conversation is like playing catch when you are small (it's a game for adults)



10:05 PM 5/13/2005
opal, (not sent yet)
that little book (something like "why is chris different") said something about a normal kid naturally (recognizing) choosing humans as the most important objects in the environment. i do think humans are somewhat important, but not nearly as much as an average person does. it's sort of obvious why an obsession/respect with other humans would evolve (biologically). when the knob is turned to high though, you get people who try to talk to computers to make them work, or get mad at them went they don't. my knob is turned very low - so i'd almost rather push somebody out of the way than ask them to move.
[i just assumed that the same people that consider humans the important objects tend to treat everything like a human. -- so here's another example: the east tried to win wars mostly by modifying the human itself and the west mad weapons



--

pam,

i think the idea behind capitalism is to give people money in exchange for
their contribution to society. they more they give to society, the more
money they get. and that motivates them to give more - it's a way of
tricking selfish people into giving to society.

i think extreme communism just asks everybody to work and pays everybody
about the same - which doesn't motivate selfish people to do good work at
all. most people are selfish* so the entire economy suffers.

[i don't mean selfish in an evil way. i just mean most will work harder if
they know that their work productivity is obviously proportional to their
own quality of life.]

some people would rather live in the most "productive" nation in the world
even if it did mean that it had fairly high poverty - some would not. i
think the US system of government has done extremely well in generating
art and science in the last 60 years.

there was a queen who's name i can't remember. in was basically in mideval
times. she wanted to improve people's lives so she made some law but it
ended up making a bunch of people poorer (turned them into "surfs").

i saw on history channel that one of the greatest losses in human life
known was caused by an emporer of china switching over to communism,
people starved to death.

capitalistic and communistic nations both have corrupt people that do evil
things.

i think you have a good point about sweden or wherever having a nice
government. and i bet it's good for a lot of people. personally - i would
rather be in the US because i'm more concerned about having laboratory
equipment i need than overall quality of life.

mrs gandy my french teacher lived in france during part of her childhood
and she said socialized medicine is inferior to US's system.

ray charless was clearly a selfish person but he more to society than most.

according the this the netherlands is way better than us in terms of child
poverty - like you suggested
http://www.nationmaster.com/red/graph-T/eco_chi_pov&int=16

i would be much happier with the US if the goverment would just stop
agressiveness and robbery - the capitalism doesn't bother me.

the real difficult question is what should one do to help. (only thing you
can control directly in this life is your own actions)


-rick

--
[netherlands and scandinavia confused while i wrote that, but i told pam i confused them]



8:08 PM 5/16/2005
opal said you can find all kinds of people
like the funny people - where you can joke around and say anything
i try to be too many different things maybe - don't appreciate funny or musical or artistic because i want to be all of them


9:13 PM 5/17/2005
to kate
subject:infinity
neural blurb that feels like infinity = wishful thinking squared

unless you mean an infinity of pain, that would be assuming the worst sqared
--end of message--

1:38 AM 5/18/2005
at meeting when kate is busy working on something, not listening, she still manages to throw in appropriate smart ass remarks (filters all the relevant data out of meeting for finds opportunity for smart ass remarks)

10:00 PM 5/18/2005
sorinson mentioned doing a bunch of time intensive plots that didn't matter. anna-lise in ron calabrese lab tried making a complicated model for about 1yr before she resorted to a simpler one. i tried different ways of doing my electrode array - like molding with photoresist or having a sheet of metal foil spining on pdms and flipping. kate was stimulating the decending tracts of cord and then shawn said he didn't recommend doing that. in general you have to be willing to change directions and sort of drop a bunch of work that you have done. (they recommend you do that as part of XP programming technique also)

5:46 AM 5/19/2005
kate said first seek to understand then to be understood
she said she didn't come up with it

pam talked about some complicated music taking a long time to get used to - people can be the same way

6:56 AM 5/27/2005
when i started, nearly everything in cleanroom was a surprise. now almost nothing is a surprise. this is the essence of (intuitive) understanding.

12:20 AM 5/28/2005
my htough is loke swinging a heavy object around, slow. most people it's more like swing around a pencil (light object) - move the conversation effortlessly - without much depth.

9:09 AM 5/28/2005
smoking pot while learning math - reduce mimicking so you have to learn it
(with my small memory no pot is needed)
i remember the math guy at GECCO 2003 saying his brain held only a little bit of information at a time

4:02 PM 5/29/2005
we like forests because evolution talk us to like them - it's encoded in our dna

5:19 PM 5/29/2005
female breast
men's bunging muscles is also sort of useless (but it is actually kind of useless) women like it even though strength is not very useful in our industrial society

6:39 PM 5/29/2005
(first repeating date on yahoo calendar i set up a bit wrong maybe first sunday of month instead of first day)
other less important repetitive stuff i added later and correctly
the most important thing are invented quickly
human language was not thought out, thrown together
so quality of thing created for pleasure but not out of neccesisty (or just created later) may be better than things created out of neccesity

4:45 PM 5/30/2005
figuring out the etch recipe for pdms is like getting in a girl's pants. you don't get any awards for it, nobody really cares, but it's still a bitch (difficult, or at least it takes time)


1:43 AM 5/31/2005
covering genitals disabled an evolution of the human brain to make them pretty
(and as it turns out, concept of pretty in general doesn't really fit the genitals)


1:46 AM 5/31/2005
symmetry to recognize that person developed well in womb
if we were asymetrical animals, beaty might not be so closely tied to symmetry

12:11 AM 6/3/2005
what people say at dinner tables should be taken with a grain of salt

2:53 PM 6/3/2005
to kate
(sometimes i wonder is the tag along boy friend for companionship is he more of a decoy - a mere topic of coversation - or distraction - or threat of competition that the female homosapien uses to evaluate other potential mates at the social event.)

7:27 PM 6/4/2005
iw was immediately obvious that pam is somewhat spacy like me - like we are both highlanders (likes something out of a highlander episode)
i once said we were cut from the same cloth


3:10 PM 6/5/2005
pam mentioned that rats are weak and die alot in nature (they make up for it by reproducing quickly), it's natural for them to die alot.
this is an argument that's it's okay to cut their spinal cords - and it's a pretty good argument - but it assumes nature is fair - and we know nature isn't really fair.


i write clear (physically drawing letters) because i write consciously, and it's also slow - this is the way of my language to to some extent, art whatever

10:11 PM 6/6/2005
cluttered room is not a cluttered mind

4:33 PM 6/9/2005
austin called it dialated ears, sounds getting louder when you're in the half-awake-half-asleep state

7:58 AM 6/10/2005
i might say to pam: there's no sin is desiring


2:40 PM 6/12/2005
when i talk, i'm thinking out loud

11:24 PM 6/13/2005
that part right after the neuron fires, it's like the satiated part of time right after orgasm. a neuron firing is a lot like an orgasm. subthreshold oscillations are like the oscillations that build up to orgasm. squirt of neurotransmitter.

2:24 AM 6/14/2005
cinamafile
i am no file


2:44 AM 6/14/2005
i love art and care nothing about the people that create it
with acting the two are the same

1:56 AM 6/16/2005
girlfriend replaces close interaction you get from family when you are little

11:53 PM 6/16/2005
musically,
i am and i'd rather be
more interesting than impressive
people just showing bore me


11:42 AM 6/18/2005
>
> Do you know if this is 'game theory"?
>

jim,

Some interesting things happen in game theory when you have more than 2 players fighting each other. Sometimes the smartest move strictly for your own good is helping somebody else. (If the native americans on this continent had figured that out collectively, they may have won.) This is actually the reason that I think cells ended up organizing into organisms, ants organize into colonies, and human organize into colonies. Although humans, unlike ants, are torn between helping themselves and helping others. Money is one thing used to reward people for contributing - it's what turns us into ants in a way...all working toward some common goal.

-rick


12:32 PM 6/18/2005
kartik said "i'm a guy, i can't see stuff in front of my face"
like the 409 bottle (cleaner)

7:05 PM 6/22/2005
ian rand was a male with a vagina, just look at her it's obvious. she was surrounded by women who were full of crap. no wonder she was obsessed with objective truth.

7:05 PM 6/22/2005
kate is aware of her manipulations of people as a jazz piano player is aware of notes (it's unconscious) that trumpet player on ken burns pointed out to a kid that he didn't know the solo he played before (and that was the beauty of it, he never knew what would come out of his own horn)


7:17 PM 6/22/2005
bao knew how people observe and then adjust for the person they are talking to. i took me a while to figure out that phenomenon (women do it alot).

11:22 PM 6/22/2005
there were times when kate told me not to talk with PIs because she feared i would deflate her BS sufle (suflay)
(see cannes man movie)

3:38 PM 6/24/2005
i feel blessed to be in a society where somebody like me (not socially orientated, and not someone who likes medial labor) can still find a good job

8:10 PM 6/24/2005
some people are in something closer to a dream state, mind wanders freely without questioning things, and it may lead to new art
some people take drugs
some people are just like that - don't question things - but that probably usually doesn't make a very good scientist - or maybe it does - as long as somebody is around to criticize, keep things in check

9:03 PM 6/24/2005
green eggs and ham
leah hasn't really given hugging a chance - then again she may still not like it

5:23 AM 6/25/2005
book are good to fill in the inforation that does not come to you as an individual naturally

2:44 PM 6/25/2005
psycology is a field where the most people can possible know is "enough to be dangerous"
[thinking of description of scitzoid personality disorder or asperger's syndrome where the people writing it are guess what's going on by observation but not getting it exactly right, and how incorrect interpretation could help more that it hurts - though i have no specific example of this, i'm just considering the worst. i have seen people write and think incorrect explanations of things quite a bit in my life]

5:47 PM 6/25/2005
complaint:
i understand leah (and similar people maybe) which makes up .1% of the population - and i don't understand "normal" people
most people understand 80% of the population, but don't understand me
(i leave about 20% out to account for the fact that their are weird people that nobody understands and the fact that not all "normal" people understand each other, just most understand most)
complaint is that their understanding is useful and natural, widely applicable - and i don't have it


6:06 PM 6/25/2005
at stimulator meeting bao ask several interesting questions even though she had know idea what they were talking about. i think the fact the she didn't dwell on detail and just kept asking actually allow her to get a lot of information. (not detailed, but good broad information)

5:12 PM 6/26/2005
probably: smoking pot makes the rest of life not as enjoyable

11:37 PM 6/26/2005
quote for the day
opal: just imagine your mother is a giant guinea pig
(leah was having trouble hugging, but leah used have a guinea pig and enjoy hugging it)

9:53 AM 6/27/2005
at this point in our history
for science the low hanging fruit is mostly gone
scientist are often building (using) latters (latters = technology)
[for math the story is similar, where technology is computational, but still most math goes on in the mind of people]


1:27 PM 6/30/2005
learning is disabled at the deweerth meeting because the sarcasm directed
at mistakes discourages people from asking "silly" questions - which are
often useful questions

(see who is fourier book)



3:00 AM 7/1/2005
i remember that politician and monster diversity leadership program said you should base your life on what you think it should be late at night as your are falling asleep. i already do. nico sort of criticized me for doing that.



9:27 AM 7/1/2005
to jim:
"What the hell am I doing here?"
this is a pandora's box for a creature that is capable if highly generalized thought and driven by curiousity. i guess a good answer to the question (in terms of accuracy) would be "unknown" or there is no particular reason. but that's a terrible answer in terms of motivating people to form strong societies. enter spirituality in our dna to patch the hole. enter religion.

7:57 PM 7/3/2005
if you put your face *right* under an incandescent light bulb, it feels just like sunlight.

1:50 AM 7/4/2005
other things (muscles) can be improved with exercise - ironic that penis cannot be improved with exercise. just a thing that fills with blood i think.

2:21 AM 7/4/2005
sometimes things said in passing are more believable, as if there's no need for explanation
(bob greenhaw the sax player said something in passing about making licks part of you)

4:14 PM 7/4/2005
trend for my personality
in music
and english
and CS
is that i remember the components but don't learn bigger pieces
(don't like idiomatic expressions, tend to take things literally)

12:09 AM 7/5/2005
i asked gole.
that time he said "can you read" the sign on his door
he didn't know it was me
he said he has to put the sign up when something like this happens: he asks when it's due and it's due a week ago. it's 10am and it needs to be there by 12pm and he has to write it and get it typed.

6:29 PM 7/7/2005
norton anthology lit book mentioned that some people though sun was called sun because it look like a sun but turns out that words are arbitrary (no kidding). beauty is arbitrary in the same way (you could tell that to kate). (kate seems to have the naive view that things she classify as pretty really are pretty is some way beyond what the human mind aritrarily defines as pretty)


8:57 PM 7/7/2005
closed loop control of musical instrument usings eyes is slow.
pure feed forward, just telling the instument what to do is faster.

9:27 PM 7/7/2005
maybe the detachment from parents that 16 years olds have helps (forces) them find love from a mate rather than family, so it's reproductively helpful

2:18 PM 7/10/2005
muscle pulling lots of fibers for stregth, not accuracy (individual accuracy)
like brain doing lots of stuff at once but not really paying attention (as opposed to focusing closely on one thing)

2:53 PM 7/10/2005
kate's weak. she conpensates with a strong personality.



7:49 PM 7/11/2005
bao,

(case A) [brains decides to eat a piece of candy even though it logically considers it bad]

human logic is powerful but highly error prone. our brains are set up so emotion can override logic, probably because to much logic will cause problems. the optimal actions for everyday life cannot be determined logically - because (1) very few people have a rational goal (2) there are to many factors to consider logically. in this (case A) the logic is probably right, the candybar is probably bad, but the brain wasn't set up to trust logic very much with choosing food - it's too important to leave to logic - so is mating apparently. the brain was configured for the best actions in general, for surviving on the prarie you really should eat high calorie food as much as possible, our modern food supply turns the emotional asset into a problem.

-rick




----


bao,

(case A) [brains decides to eat a piece of candy even though it logically
considers it bad]

human logic is powerful but highly error prone. our brains are set up so
emotion can override logic, probably because to much logic will cause
problems. the optimal actions for everyday life cannot be determined
logically - because (1) very few people have a rational goal (2) there are
to many factors to consider logically. in this (case A) the logic is
probably right, the candybar is probably bad, but the brain wasn't set up
to trust logic very much with choosing food - it's too important to leave
to logic - so is mating apparently. the brain was configured for the best
actions in general, for surviving on the prarie you really should eat high
calorie food as much as possible, our modern food supply turns the
emotional asset into a problem.

-rick



5:18 PM 7/14/2005
-----

pam,

>
> A chicken is an eggs way of producing more eggs.
>
>

i like that. lets go ahead and extend it though: life (including humans) is dna's way of producing more dna. (austin mentioned a book about that one time)

(i just woke up about a dream about john losing his "van" (maybe truck) in my yard (thigs get stolen there easily) because he had the key in while he was charging a battery and walked inside to listen to music - some cd with a monkey on the cover that in the dream, picture of the monkey had turned up on a tv screen during a test day in thad starner's class (the wearable computer guy) - and there was this fat girl (A) who was complaining about how some other girl (B) had broken up with her and become like a mother. A said that A & B were doing fine in a relationship with two other married people until B took on a motherly role. then B was "writing A's diary for her." and there was this confusing hallway in my house where i had to keep closing the door behind me (in real life i have to close the door to my room or my cat swings around inside of computers and stuff) any way, john was out there with a baseball bat looking for the guy that stole his truck (maybe a van in the dream) and i was a little worried - what if the other guy had a gun you know.)

-rick

5:18 PM 7/14/2005
[during dream above thad looked at my cds that were under my desk in class and said that he didn't like cds as a way to stor information. (and mumbled something about not really liking any standard methods) and i though about how i had put some music in just a big list of mp3s on a harddrive or something and thought maybe that's the alternative he would prefer.]


9:05 PM 7/14/2005
french horns powerful instument (in matrix) even with modern ability to make any kind of sound

11:11 PM 7/14/2005
chinese labor is really cheap
you could use chinese people to do research for you

11:12 PM 7/14/2005
chinese govt is like a messed up computer program
too hard to fix
needs to be rebuilt from the start

11:13 PM 7/14/2005
i said militart power always takes over that's how evolution works
and austin said a virus takes over and then destroys itself

7:17 PM 7/15/2005
i doubt that fat was ever attractive. there are no pictures of fat goddesses that i know of.

12:39 PM 7/16/2005
adding gender to words is pointless but i admit i have added gender to numbers naturally. the even single digits are male and the odd single digits are female. i think humans have a natural ability to remember the gender of objects. as if the data representation in the brain has one bit reserved for gender of each object.

11:31 AM 7/17/2005
is isacc newton had pam's attitude (that math is not for physicists), he wouldn't have gotten anywhere


1:09 PM 7/17/2005
[not sent to pam]
you are often saying that you abuse math alot, but i think you are usually very kind to it. usually when you give an example of "abuse" you are using a mathematical model that is different from what first priciples say. but that's okay, it's still perfect in it's own way. it's a different model than first priciples.

1:23 PM 7/17/2005
people learn math from physics
people learn physics from math
reality is a calculator
(integrals were created/formalized to deal with physics)

1:38 PM 7/17/2005
direction of time
machines can be made to work in only one direction
like an arm with a muscle to pull it in but no muscle to pull it out
it just pulls in
but if you want to go backwards there is no muscle to pull it out




--------
[not sent]
so i guess if the universe is predictable, you could take a snap shot of the state and know what it would do forever into the future and the past - that would make the concept of "causality" a little different than how i normally think of it.

or if the universe is not predictable, there may not be any causality at all.

or if is somewhere in between, you can see a bit into the future or a bit into the past from the snapshot - but if you try to go too far the error may build up.
--------

you could tell pam what that guy said: people have learned some math from physics. from dealing with a quantum mechanical computer's ability to do things different than a turing machine, people managed so solve other problems that have nothing to do with physics.
-the sword cuts both ways, you can look into reality and see it solving math problems and learn from it - or you can look into math and see reality

---------
to_pam
subject:origin
it goes like this: humans find something that works. but there are skeptics like me that don't believe anything without an answer to why. but they don't know why. so they make up an explanation anyway. and many of the skeptics will buy that explanation. and those who buy it will benefit from the thing that works. even if they are wrong. be it yoga philosophy, greek myth, religion, for fourier transforms.

-rick
--------


genetically, are women more like female monkeys or men

time going backwards, our memories are unwritten day by day

can you make machines that do interesting things when time is reversed, if so machines can experience reversed time, if so, some kind of mind could be created to experience reverse time

if you write down state of brain and update it on a sheet of paper is it alive
because if you automate it quickly, it almost certainly is

3:07 AM 7/22/2005
reading dale carnagie book
it says make people feel important, i may fail to do that with myself sometimes


asking permission is important
the US government will let you murder people with their permission (war)
they put you in jail if you murder without permission

2:10 AM 7/23/2005
being opaque sucks (sometimes)
(meaning people don't understand your actions, like you say the opposite of what somebody said just to point out the other view and they take it personally)

1:45 PM 7/24/2005
in life and in movies, the story means more to me than the goodness of the acting
(for live theater i tend to pay more attention to acting)


8:10 PM 7/24/2005
not sent to kate:
there's a flicker of truth in what you just said so maybe i should leave it alone. but i can't resist pointing out that a person's concept of self worth is largely based on what *other* people think of them. and even if my sense of worth was purely based on evaluation of my own theoretical ability, i am worth less if people don't give me opportunities. when i was younger i thought you could do really well without anybody's help - that would be nice if it was true and it would be easy to not care what other people thought in that case. but that's generally not the case, you generally do need some help.

> beyond the 'grass is always greener on the other side' part of this, I
> think you'd at least feel better about yourself with the latter situation.
>
> On Sun, July 24, 2005 19:34, Rick Giuly wrote:
>> rhetorical question:
>> which to you think is more frustrating: getting into stuff that is
>> really
>> challenging (possibly beyond your ability) or watching other people take
>> opportunities from you when you know you would do the work better than
>> them.
>>

you could keep for food in a pool of water so the ants can't get to it - yayi said she did that with a cake and they managed to make a bridge of dead ants to get to the cake


i should note that the writing jim/kate said was good that i did, when i was writing it i purposely didn't really think. just wrote. forgot all rules they taught.



i remember lauren liked the charcoal i did with just the outline of a woman
i also remember both lauren and i like the picassos that were just a few brush strokes

5:33 AM 7/26/2005
some do to little
some do to much
i tend to do to little: talking, cleaning, working, practicing
i will save money if it means not doing something, but not if it means doing something
don't need to use drugs, to much trouble

9:56 PM 7/26/2005
bao's sister said my art reminds her of bjork

pam and john are unique people with a unique reltionship - sort of like two mathematical sets with a unique relationship

7:09 PM 7/28/2005
rather than saying that she doesn't want to do something, kate may convence you that you shouldn't ask. approximate example: when i said i could kater to her desires - come in at a funny time of day for me (like morning) - and she tried to say there was no katering going and and those weren't her desires - as if it was just standard to get up that early.




8:28 PM 7/29/2005
[i considered this subject line after sending message: "potential wells of beauty"]
bao,

i was just flipping through your in style magazine thinking about beauty.

i've done some research with evolving systems so i know that evolving
populations sort slide down into potential wells of high fitness in the
space of all possible genotypes. in this case, the lower you go the better
you are. evolution can be couched in terms of a minimization problem. this
takes a long time to explain if you haven't done physics or somehting -
maybe i'll explain later.

the conclusion it leads me to though is this: asians have evolved into a
well and caucasians have evolved into another well and africans another.
high fitness is high beauty. so these different races have discovered
beauty in different places in the space.

the landscape is not simple, it's really bumpy, like most hard
minimization problems. so if you try to just change one little thing, like
your eye and don't change everything else you may actually move out of the
well that you are in and be less beatiful. that is, if you take just one
attribute of some totally different kind of beauty and stick it on your
own it may not fit at all.

partly i say this because sometimes you ack like the instyle magazine
women are the definition of beauty. they aren't. it's just targeted at a
caucasian/white audience. the people selling the magazine know that: the
white women that look at the magazine could not be beautiful the same way
asians or africans are so white women aren't going to be very interested
in looking at them and picking up tips.

-rick
[not in message: could make analogy between beautiful women and beautiful music - both with elements that don't transfer easily]

8:37 PM 7/29/2005
we will look back on christianity and say it was silly (as we do now with ancient religions). -- or we may never prove it wrong:
religion used to have tangible objects - as we develop the ability to understand these (volcanoes, lightning) they are ruled out - so the religions remaining have modified views - God is invisible or abstractions of buddhism - can't prove wrong because they are intangible.

3:03 AM 7/30/2005
talking to opal/leah i said a smile is like removing a rope from somebody that's tied down

writing could be written from left to right and then right to left so you could read it without your eye jumping

2:09 AM 7/31/2005
[watching lord of the rings]
not many people ventured into my cave
Bao has come further than anyone (save(except) my mother (maybe))
(the cave where as you come in further you understand me more)

2:11 AM 7/31/2005
there is one way to control me: offer me what i want in exchange
make me beleive you will give it

2:42 PM 7/31/2005
drugs don't destroy you, they distract you

1:07 PM 8/1/2005
sometimes we don't have time
sometimes we don't have patience
sometimes we get the two confused
(kate doesn't take time to pull information out of me)

1:40 PM 8/1/2005
it doesn't take different people to make the world go around but it's more fun that way

7:44 PM 8/1/2005
tell shawn about why the ability to have moods evolved - so you could have N different solutions to the problem of doing the right thing. N different ways to think without multipling the size of the brain by N. where N is the number of moods. (more like a linear combination of moods than just one at a time, but the sentence above is a rough description)


4:33 AM 8/4/2005
most people evaluate realtime performance and judge you by it. i'm more of a batch-processing person - i take someting and then come back later with an answer.


2:49 AM 8/6/2005
bao noticed i try to preserve pictures/photographs
people are doomed to rot away but they are not

3:49 AM 8/6/2005
one time i said to lauren: women are like hot peppers, they taste good and then they burn you. her comment in responce: "crushing metaphor"


4:47 AM 8/6/2005
perhaps i should be less judgemental since nobody's view can fit into a few sentences and all are doomed to be incorrect if you don't get the full explanation.

5:03 AM 8/6/2005
some religions are like carnivors - attack victims, digest them and assimilate the victim's useful stuff into their bodies. the carnivore evolved through "darwinian" evolution so these religions could have also. or if God created carnivors purposely he may have greated religions like that purposely also.

3:02 AM 8/7/2005
(people voted on what books to put in the bible)
it wouldn't matter if the Bible was supposedly pulled from someone's ass - they would just claim the ass was inspired.

3:01 PM 8/7/2005
i like to avoid responcibility so i don't have to take the blame for stuff

2:32 AM 8/8/2005
there is a time when i'm not interested in sex
it's a ~45second interval of time after orgasm

7:58 AM 8/12/2005
rather than a talent, God gave me the ability to do just about anything as long as I have enough time (and room for revision). for something like acting it's not that useful - because you can't take your time while acting - (or revise things).

8:02 AM 8/12/2005
there is this reason that superficial women don't go for me in (besides that they don't accept the way i dress and such,) superficial women figure out pretty quickly that i don't like them and so they don't like me. i'm pretty easy to read (especially when i don't like something) and women are good at reading.

8:37 AM 8/12/2005
Global Beads® is a facilitated learning activity designed to assist organizations in making diversity an integral part of their cultures by illustrating the profound effect that acculturation has on an individual's socialization.
Global Beads game at the moster diversity leadership program helped me learn that the art and music i like is mostly created by black people

3:50 AM 8/14/2005
bao said if she got in the moment (making out) she woudn't be able to control herself

6:41 PM 8/14/2005
guy mentioned what if everybody had high iq (like 130) what would determine who does what job. it wouldn't be that bad, people would do that they are interested in. and (learned) skills would determine what you are most qualified for

7:06 PM 8/14/2005
seems like there are two minds in bao
one that wants to make out and another that doesn't
so when she said asking for her foot was a good idea, it's as if the mind that likes making out was saying that was a good way of avoiding her other mind that was saying not to make out (she said she didn't want to make the first move anyway)

9:51 AM 8/15/2005
just like (comedy) entertainers like seeing a croud laugh, when making out with a women it feels good to see her happy

6:15 PM 8/15/2005
mommy/daddy one jokes while other is serious or one is serious while other jokes. they have fallen into a notch (grove) but not exactly the right one. sort of like a screw forced in but not exactly lined up with threads. or something like a cd rom drive that slides into a case but misses a notch and just locks on something else.

12:41 PM 8/18/2005
i'm often disgusted with women

8:15 PM 8/24/2005
that quote (dorian gray maybe): women inspire you to do good work and then won't let you do it - it's true

8:28 PM 8/24/2005
being good at finding low hanging fruit is different than being successful - or maybe not

6:54 AM 8/25/2005
you can't recognize sarcasm if you don't already know the person's view. (that's why i though josh wise was serious about bombing other countries as soon as we had nuclear power.)

9:43 AM 8/25/2005
i think putting old socks on sometimes makes your toes feel bad under the nail

9:41 AM 9/12/2005
i'm not saying music is an accurate portrail of emotion but words aren't any better (something i wrote on a piece of paper)

11:50 AM 10/15/2005
i remember the people who talk me a subject as i study it (like mr. ron, or the chemistry teacher i had in college)

11:30 PM 10/26/2005
k space, TEM MRI
not all knowledge is trasferable (like calvin rouse said) but most of it is

2:13 PM 10/28/2005
[bao said i was selfish to want a woman that is nice and beautiful]
woman has to exceed the pleasure brought by porn or she it not useful - hence i won't settle for mediocrity in a woman - porn is actually pretty good


11:25 PM 11/4/2005
if your goal is to be the best you will fail. if your goal is to do your personal best, you may succeed, and you may end up being the best in the process.

6:47 PM 11/6/2005
onia, chelsea, and myself third child sort of creative and artistic - maybe some odd peer relationships in school

6:49 PM 11/6/2005
society pursecutes anything that's not a brick in the wall

baskins said in physics people often make things harder than they need to be - same thing they do with music notation (sharps and flats)

4:20 PM 11/8/2005
a wife is like a prostitute but the payment schedule is different
(bao was requesting at least 2thousand dollars per month or sleep on the couch)

7:46 PM 11/11/2005
when you study the way biological systems work you are really studying evolved architecture - which is much different than human designed architecture. i think accepting that this architechture is valid and works is something engineers typically won't do - because it means they can be replaced by something random. science has broken away from random - which is good - we have predictive understanding now - but we should i think igore alot of the things we know sometimes and evolve solutions to problems.

11:41 AM 11/12/2005
sticking an ax into a log the breaks sort of violently - actually lets say you cut down a tree, (or pulling the trigger on a gun) is an example of putting some energy into a system and getting more out. like some of the stuff that happens with ATP.

4:05 PM 11/13/2005
there is inherent multiplication when you play with units 1 cm means 1 times the cm unit, must this always be multiplication?







was going to send to bao, pam, john
---------------

Analogy for redox reactions:

Men are nuclei.
Women are electrons.

(I say this because men generally have more mass than women.)

(Nuclei often have several electrons attached, and it's easy to imagine one man with many women attached in some sort of polygomous society.)


For the sake of the analogy, assume all women are exactly the same, as all electrons are the same. All named Mary.

Assume there are different types of men, and each type has a name (Joe, Bob, ...), as there are different types of nuclei and each has a different name (Hydrogen, Helium, ...).

So men differ in their woman-affinity.

When a man is oxidized he loses a woman.
When a man is reduced he gains a woman.

Of course you notice the verbs weren't choses well, but that's really the fault of chemists and not the analogy. So to keep things clear I won't use the oxidation/reduction verbs from this point on.

--------------------------
Redox example:
[Joe Mary] [Jim] => [Joe] [Mary Jim]

Mary leaves Joe and lives with Jim.

----------------------
[Joe Mary] and [Joe] constitute a conjugate redox pair.

In the above conjugate pair, the "woman acceptor" of the conjugate pair is [Joe]. The "woman donor" is [Joe Mary].


When two conjugate redox pairs are together in solution, woman transfer from the woman donor of one pair to the woman acceptor of the other may proceed sponaneously. The tendency for such a reaction depends on the relative handsomeness of the woman acceptor of each redox pair. 'E' is a measure (in volts) of this handsomeness.

Electrochemists have chosen as a stardard of reference the half-reaction:

[Harry] + [Mary] => [Harry Mary]

------------
Set up two half-cells with a salt-bridge connecting them. Connect a lightbulb, one wire in each chamber.

Half-Cell 1 has
[Harry] + [Mary] => [Harry Mary]
reaction occurring. This half-cell is assigned the handsomeness of 0V.

[Ace] + [Mary] => [Ace Mary]
[Nad] + [Mary] => [Nad Mary]



----------------------

7:26 PM 11/16/2005
woman says am i fat, what she's really changing you to do is make a convincing argument that she is not fat
not looking for the truth



12:20 AM 11/20/2005
energy crisis
you could make a car that runs off sugar or oranic garbage, and then generates motion in a very efficient way, like muscles do, but it might be easier to just genetically engineer horses to run faster and ride them.


11:43 PM 11/23/2005
pain reliever
i found that expressively singing and dancing in a hot shower to a remix of "killing me softly" greatly reduces headache pain and stress in general.

1:37 AM 11/24/2005
those that can be full of shit generally are.
(the actors)

10:08 PM 11/24/2005
dr gole sees the world differently than most

1:02 AM 11/25/2005
i read that autistic spectrum don't read facial expression and i think what's the point of reading facial expression because i've never done it so that pretty much tells the story (actually i do occationally read expression like when i asked pam about funeral and she was upset)


2:18 AM 11/26/2005
the plan for life that i have faithfully held true to arose out of a fit of depression

3:42 AM 11/29/2005
there was a point in my feeling bad earlier tonight that i though if life always felt this bad, it would be better to be dead

6:28 AM 11/29/2005
guy in movie wanted power to give up life (he was crippled in a chair) before he really began to enjoy life. and maybe i'm happier now that i seem to have the power to give up bao (sort of) - maybe i appreciate her more.




you can't die for anything. (like country)
only work for things.
and when you die you're no longer working

7:57 PM 12/3/2005
2 weird things about evolutionary design
1) can't correct orginal mistakes (very easily)
2) design things weird to begin with


3:31 PM 12/7/2005
-- to loni (subject: words)
while writing this pseudo scientific paper for imaging, i notice that "we" is a strange word if you think about it long enough. just the sound of it "we". refering to the scientist that wrote the paper, but if you double it into we we it's something else entirely. and if used as an adjective it means sort of small and pathetic. or you can yell it out when something good happens. weeee.

ok enough of that.
--


natured figured out than humans should live a long time (it takes them so long to learn)
(compare to bear of similar body weight)

the trick with cell development is that it doesn't neccesarily reach a steady state, it just keeps going past the point of furtility and then you die

11:52 AM 12/9/2005
sometimes i laugh alot and all the happy chemicals just run out and then i'm serious again


-- to pam and john, subject: evolution
some say evolution (just through natural selection) of humans isn't feasible, because we're too complicated - (which is really saying it would take too long). but i think the key is that it went in phases.

1
first little bacteria worked out all of the complicated cellular machinery - that was probably the hardest part. dna works like magic. that was done (i assume) in a ocean full of bacteria that reproduce ~daily. so the rate of evolution would be rediculously fast - the ocean would be like a gigantic parallel processing computer doing an optimization problem.

2
then little fish, which reproduce way faster than humans, took care of building skeletons, eyes, brains, spinal chord, nervous system, the process multicellular development was refined. and i think nature figured out a way encode dna so that evolution would work well. (evolution evolved.)

3
then from fish to humans is a pretty small step.

--



(We share 60% of our DNA with a banana.)


women will say you are selfish if you don't drop everything for them (because really they are selfish) (you can give your life to society in unselfish acts and they don't care) animaniacs song about presidents mentioned jefferson's wife making him sleep on couch because he stayed up late working on documents

4:55 PM 12/23/2005
i'll be a bit of an existentialist and study the mind
(not physics)


why does ribbon curl when you run scissors across it

6:08 PM 12/24/2005
sent to ione and pam
subject: women
Some women are like nuclear power plants, they require constant monitoring and blow up if you don't give them enough attention.

not sent: [except women have no friendly dials to tell you what's going on]

cori biochemist worked with his wife
shawn hochman's wife barely knows what shawn does

fast and loose (what rachel rouse is) (found perimeter mall driving back and forth)
similar to quick and dirty

quotes
lauren: "kiss my breasts"
bao: "lick my boobs"
bao also explained that vagina gets confused (don't know what going on) if stimulated by itself too long


8:30 PM 12/29/2005
men are not exactly what women want and women are not exactly what men want


4:13 AM 12/30/2005
i said nico opinion of my invention which maybe have been grocery store of helicopter or bio interface and calvin said one monkey's opinion doesn't matter (something like that, it was years ago) - ah yes it was helicopter - i told him i had filed a provisional patent (or whatever it's called)


people who don't think like rules
they believe that the rules are the only way to do things right
people who think break rules
people who don't think can't break rules without messing things up
(actually this kind of thinking is in crime and punishment, but the character didn't think enough before he killed people)


i dreamed about not being able to sleep
mommy woke me up right before i was about to go to sleep
(calvin and rebecca's house)


payoff of relationship not so high (for the cost) after you have mastered certain compensitory arts (involving nudy pictures)



i create order in my mind and disorder in my environment like a cell, ryan said i seems to have an ordered mind as compared to my disordered room



universe is different than a flashlight because it may be spreading out.



on another note. if everthing else lasts forever, this little time interval from birth to death is infinitely small in comparison. so it's a very special time. an arbitrarily minute segment, like a single point on an infinite line, and probably the only one you ever have. that means the density of pleasure or pain for *you* is something like a delta function f(x). where x is time and pleasure or pain is f. anyway, this is a special time. assuming it's zero everyplace else, and i would bet it is.


9:32 AM 1/6/2006
your little peep at the universe (see above entry)


some of my emails are generated during times of sleep deprivation

"this old house" was a reality tv show

women's intuition mean that they go further that what i would think the data can tell. (which is scary sometimes) and 90% of the time they are right - with human emotion - like reading me. but 10% of the time they are totally wrong.

if you don't need to you don't need to
(one time dick trenbeath said people that use autocad sometimes don't have ability to visualize rotations and things in their head)

austin said in passing one time good to play music when feeling bad (meaning the music may turn out nice if you feel bad), and i agree

6:06 PM 1/15/2006
with calculus, math gets a little more black-magicy compared to algebra

10:28 PM 1/24/2006
the drum that sound like a monkey ooo ooo, is alot like scratching that a dj does




1:03 AM 1/26/2006
to loni
subject neuroscience
neuroscience is looking at something different than every other science. every other science is looking at the outside. and neuroscience is looking at the inside - of the "mind". (physchology isn't really a science (in the way that 80s music isn't always really music.)) i don't know why people have to fund neuroscience so much in terms of figuring out ways to cure brain disease. that's one application, but understanding the mind itself and knowing how to manipulate it would probably drastically change everything. there are two ways to be happy, you either change the outside or change the inside, the objectivist or the existentialist route, either one works. though i think changing the mind itself is way more interesting - and opens up more possibilities. drugs are a crude (fairly crappy) way of changing the inside (the mind itself) but neuroscience/technology will probably create not-so-crude ways. that's the application of it that will probably make the most money 1000 years from now or whatever.

4:53 PM 1/27/2006
artis and girlfriend
you could say she wouldn't be with you if she didn't think you were godd (at art)
and you could say you woudn't be with her if she didn't think you were good (at art)

4:14 PM 1/29/2006
john said way i described project with flexible mea was like saying human is mostly water, he liked to explanation better that had big words like electrphysiology


7:21 PM 1/29/2006
some underlying thing that makes everything else easier, maybe loni searches for this, but in cell bio it's not really there- or not really known

8:19 PM 1/29/2006
ione uses songs to memorize things


10:03 PM 1/29/2006
make food before you get hungry

10:03 PM 1/29/2006
pam said she cooks too much, but she probably cooks the right amount

11:06 PM 1/29/2006
i appreciated it when austin said i was playing piano (electric) and everybody else was sort of forced to follow my vibe (not his words exactly) he had said charlie parker often caused a similar thing to happen



could say to john - johns are good to have around, no pun intended

bad doctor does more damage than bad disease

10:33 PM 1/31/2006
maryanne martone: i'm glad she's on our side

FOIL (algebra) sort of has to be the way it is for the sake of symetry
although i would to it 1st with 1st, 1st with 2nd, 2nd with 1st, 2nd with 2nd

11:37 PM 2/3/2006
math is neat/useful. it's essentially just writing things down carefully. substitution probably the most important rule. like f(x) = 2x. means when you put a 5 at x, all the x's mean 5.

11:38 PM 2/3/2006
writing down thoughts, math



11:41 PM 2/3/2006
to pam
subject: math
math is alot about writing things down accurately.
humans made notation that is precise and called it math.
definately helps to write things down - literature professor one time said that writing helps you think about things.

daddy pointed out that all light is going in a direction that is out of the universe - well if you look at a distance, that is true

5:01 PM 2/4/2006
by saying that maybe john is fast, she sort of indicated that he does think fast but that's not the reason that she loves him. although i figure it helps. i helps him be a person that can interact with others and help her interact with others.

to pam and loni
subject: first grade
when you're roughly 7 years old, people aren't bricks in the wall. the kids are unique in your class. each one is an oddity of somekind. and your parents and grandpartents are like that too. eventually all these little unique people die and become adults.

6:18 PM 2/4/2006
pam and john will be the bonnie and clide of physics
i rember pam bending over with face upside down to look at her cat ludwick while parents were there
while baby develops something goes terribly right or terribly wrong, pam has headaches so maybe both happened


10:06 PM 2/4/2006
box for almost garbage i called purgatory when talking to loni


11:57 AM 2/5/2006
is there a scientific study of the neoteny of nerds like melvin?

1:13 PM 2/5/2006
martone showed neural spike is like artificial intelligence or new technologies. it's also like sex or the stock market. or music.

2:19 PM 2/5/2006
good doctor, neil simon, suggests the key to getting women is patience - this is true - although interaction should be done immediately - you should be able to wait a long time before doing anything more than chatting



to loni
subject: clutter
(at some point i came to the conclusion that i wasted so much time playing with clutter that it couldn't possibly equal the time or happiness retained by still having something. so throwing things away became an important thing.)



12:19 AM 2/8/2006
mediocre scientists make things sound harder than they are, good scientists make them sound easier


9:36 PM 2/10/2006
jump through hoops then they dont matter

7:52 PM 2/11/2006
to loni
subject: amoeba
i'd be little bit more afraid of (1) than (2).
(1) figure out how an amoeba thinks (on time scale of a few seconds).
(2) figure out how a human thinks (on time scale of a few seconds).

(1) requires you to figure out a bunch of rediculous alien-ass nanotechnology

(2) requires you to figure out the behavior of a network of neurons that pretty much stay still - and use electrical signals that you can detect - and most of them (the neurons) are sort of similar. [relative to the nanomachines that are highly various]
[end]

to loni
subject: amoeba2
on a similar note: if you said "build an artificial arm" - that's easy. people do it all the time. if said "build an artificial skin cell" - that's hard.
[end]

10:53 PM 2/11/2006
i told kate colleen now maybe likes being big fish in smaller pond (smaller pond as in not gatech). kate says if you do that you're always a small fish (which is basically correct). and i say happiness is a mere psychological disorder so it doesn't really matter what you are, it matters how you feel. abersold pointed out part of the reason to go to the camp was for ego, so you get to play with other people, even though maybe playing with a cd would let you learn more.

5:37 PM 2/14/2006
cs prof (Hu) said prove for 1, 2, then induction
he also said use tiny examples to figure things out
(he said use numerical examples)

6:30 PM 2/14/2006
i do sort of like problems that aren't immediately obvious - because when it done it seems like you did something

6:52 PM 2/21/2006
stop and exlore or go and ignore
in a class or a lecture or in life

to loni
subject: cell bio
studying cell biology is like studying a story in literature class. but the characters are a bunch or weird molecules instead of a bunch of weird people.

to loni
subject: machine
fight the machine and you will loose. but if you embrace the machine, integrate into it, become a part of it, stand at its very core, then you can destroy it. mwahahaha ha

5:22 PM 2/23/2006
[some] women don't seem to understand that justifying every emotion you have with a rationalization is not actually rational thought
(bao for instance, or maybe kate)


10:14 AM 2/24/2006
the key to applying science to philosophy is not understandint it (not understanding science)

7:32 PM 2/24/2006
free will / other thing debate doesn't matter. whether the universe is deterministic or not, we have choice, and whether it's predictable or not it feels like choice.


8:21 PM 2/24/2006
acedemics or politicians looking at global politics are like scientist looking at brain - too hard to understand the whole systems - all conflicting theories have a grain of truth in them. [maryanne martone]


9:48 PM 2/26/2006
some people think slow and precise
some fast and loose (like kate or little rachel)

6:16 PM 2/28/2006
i'm pretty sure asperger's is a throwback to a nonsocial animal brain

6:28 PM 2/28/2006
i thought i would grow up and be a normal adult, it just never happened

6:44 PM 3/1/2006
trenbeaths first example to me that people don't change their mind based on evidence

9:37 PM 3/1/2006
kate's like a candy coated rotten apple, tastes like shit once you get though the out layer of sugar
when she said she want to be like ron calabrese, because even his letter of rejection to me was pleasant, she can't - because she's rotten and he's not



if use IR to make electricity are you turning heat to energy - reverse entropy?


5:48 PM 3/2/2006
art from grampa
obsession from papa
music from grama
headaches from yayi (and maybe my softspoken tendencies) (and skinniness/ loss of appetite)
all these go into making me










subject: religion
loni,

shortly after i came to the conclusion my religion was wrong i tried to tell some people (who were in the religion) that it was wrong and why.

and i was naive enough to think that they would actually come to the same conclusion i came to once that saw the evidence i had seen.

i was assuming human productivity was being decreased by this false belief.

but i've learned two things:
one - most people won't convert religion based on evidence.
two - i'm not sure what the loss of religion would do to human productivity in general - it depends on what you replace it with - but i know it messes up *my* productivity.

after that i stopped trying to convence people religion was wrong. but sometimes they probe me enough that my views pop out anyway.

but still i think if you have a religion it should NOT convince everybody that life on earth/heaven is going to be okay when God fixes it. because then nobody cares to fix anything and everybody has to live in an unfixed world.

reality is vastly strange, difficult, beautiful, and depressing - it may be that religion must be false to be useful.

but i would like to see some mode of thought that makes people healthy and happy and productive (and promotes improvement of society) at the same time.

then again "improvement" cannot be universally defined

i feel like the research i and others do will eventually lead up to a weird future where the lines between (consciousness and unconsciousness) and (machines and life) and (humans and animals) is so blurred that people will be forced to admit how strange this existance is. that it is not some game where you prove to God you are nice.

-rick



12:45 AM 3/6/2006
if given choice between solving NP=P or something like that or doing the brain stuff - if guaranteed to solve both at end of my life - i would do what i'm doing


1:01 AM 3/6/2006
(jehovah's witness) nico's purpose is to walk around tell other that the purpose is to walk around telling others that the purpose is to walk around telling others...
this is and idea that replicates itself, almost like a prion protein that causes other proteins to misfold


to loni
subject: life
if somebody snuck into your room while you were asleep and not dreaming, and made a copy of you and then disposed of you are replaced you with the copy. the copy would wake up the next day and never know what happened. so that may have happened last night, it wouldn't make any (perceivable) difference. but the upshot of all this example (and probably some others) is that you can't perceive immortality.


8:07 PM 3/6/2006
focusing on what you are doing probably would help - maybe really slow but stay on what you're doing

10:47 PM 3/6/2006
maybe inability to act forces me to have a decent high regard for all people so i won't be impolite to them


to loni
subject: mind
i would like to eliminate the idea of mind altogether and just figure out everything in terms of the brain as a machine. but one of the reasons i don't do that immediately is this idea of continuity - then again maybe continuity is just an illusion of somekind.





[
i would like to eliminate the idea of mind altogether and just figure in terms of the brain as a machine.

and i see a flaw in my example. if A and B are the same - they can't experience chicago and atlanta. they must experience the same thing to be the same - have to have A in atlanta and B in a copy of atlanta. and then when all the atoms are swapped you can't say anything about swapping bodies or anything for sure.

actually you could make it all the same during the swapping but have it set up so when they walk out of a building things change - then you ask if they are in a different place.

]






subject: last one
loni...

okokokok if you don't read anything else just read this one.

my grandfather assumed at after he died he would wake up. that would be a resurrection - God would do it. so death would be like sleep, with no dreams.

the question i ask is this: when you wake up, how do you know if you have lived before. you don't.

it make's God's resurrection gig so much easier.

-rick


to loni
subject: conclusion on mind
------
for the sake of simplicity, i'll say the mind is not really continuous as time passes - not like an apple or something. you wake up with a new mind everyday. actually lets just say your minds is "created and destroyed" every moment in time. it exists at only a single point in time. it's a shadow.

so immortality of the mind doesn't make since.

maybe you said that already.
---------



8:18 PM 3/8/2006
backgound
startrek old and then next generation, you appreciate it more
with music, listen to old jazz you appreciate new more
liturature i suspect is similar
with music, it's not just an intellecual/cerebral appreciation, you really hear it differently after hearing what came before, so maybe part of appreciating the beatles like people did is hearing what came immediately before (i remember saying to andrew lytle it would be neat to be around with the jackson 5 were brand new)


12:14 AM 3/10/2006
to loni
subject: mind
and i think the thing that bothers me about the mind is that it's so damned unobservable. but ironically it is your window into all observation.
[you can't see other's minds]





1:52 AM 3/10/2006
if you make the notion of equivalence too strict, then after a while, the ship isn't the same ship any more. forget about replacing boards. i mean the boards change over time. the ship becomes different. how do you know it's the same ship.

(you track all the atoms and try to make sure you are dealing with roughly the same set maybe - you can't even tell that though - there are situations in physics where the particles just loose identity.)

i think in general the idea of big objects like apples that persist in our world is a simplification. you almost need to look at things in terms of atoms for it to make concrete since.



2:21 AM 3/10/2006
you could probably replace a human body without him noticing

2:21 AM 3/10/2006
like electrons - two ships sail together closely - you get a different one - it doesn't matter - can the ship tell the difference?

9:10 PM 3/10/2006
speech breaks down in to big vocabulary and no content when you get tired

9:42 PM 3/10/2006
papa said calvin thinks like he plays piano
i think i think like i play the piano too


to loni:
subject beauty 2
i don't know if it's true for everybody but for me there is this short lived 'refractory period' right after an orgasm where i probably have the best ability do judge beauty totally disconnected from sexual desire - because for a few seconds there is no sexual desire whatsoever.

well that or if i was about 4 years old, the sexual desire woulbe be alot less - but i can't go back.


-rick


in terms of intering other people's conversations - i do feel like a bull in a china shop sometimes

pam and loni both have the childish voice

vegetarians
and peoplw who wear chuck taylor shoes
generally good


11:58 PM 3/14/2006
science is the "killer application" of math
(killer as in good)
otherwise math would not be so popular

1:53 AM 3/15/2006
seeing only what needs to be seen helps
i figure louis armstrong or michael jackson are not aware of the same thing i am aware of and it actually gives them confidence and motivation - also they are aware of things i am not aware of

9:50 AM 3/18/2006
sometimes i feel like the guy in croupier (movie) - everything random (food/sleep schedule)

5:36 PM 3/18/2006
rate of communication out of me is slow, tends to take a few days for thoughts to spill out on a subject

6:41 PM 3/18/2006
i get older but don't grow up

12:58 AM 3/19/2006
Although I really do think artists should be considered separately from their art - and scientists seperate from their work.
woody allen cheater, so what

6:10 PM 3/19/2006
clinton does his secretary (she does him orally) and he is criticized
bush (the second bush president) gets thousands of people killed needlessly and he is not criticized for it

6:25 PM 3/19/2006
cosmology is unproven and hard to prove so don't base life decisions on it (heat death of univers) it's hard to do experiments on the universe


11:38 AM 3/20/2006
sometimes best you can get out of a situation is the ability to look back on it. andrew me and that other guy (not joe) walking around not that much fun - he wanted in a club (it was nice when joe showed up). but andrew looked back on that and criticized the guy a bit (mike or whatever his name was) so that sort of made it worth the trip.


12:22 PM 3/20/2006
it's good that humans have all the features from their evolutionary past that they don't really need - human evolution would not generate so much because humans could make it with minimal senses as long as they have smarts - but fortunately there was a time when we were not smart
(like eliot playing on messed up base before moving to a new one)

1:11 PM 3/20/2006
silly people are more impressed if you apply something with a crazy name to solve a problem like "extreme programming method" or whatever but really just solving a problem in a good way, usually some simple way is best. (i like extreme programming but that's not the point)

8:47 PM 3/21/2006
apoptosis is functional and there for a reason, maybe suicide is too, or maybe not

4:06 AM 3/24/2006
what's the difference between a naked woman and a hot shower

12:33 PM 3/25/2006
a few days ago i dreamed that a philosopher refered to man and beast in one word. is was one strange word like marg.

11:37 PM 3/29/2006
deep brain stimulation is like banging the tv to make it work

7:47 PM 3/30/2006
john wood said that he is unteachable - he thinks to much about little details being slightly off (this is what joe "bear" from the reu program said)
this is sort of a good thing to know, since i have a similar "problem" but maybe it's not such a problem.


9:17 PM 4/5/2006
mommy said each year adds a layer onto your personality

4:37 PM 4/9/2006
do experiment where people are raised from birth with no communication to outside world at all - let them make their own language


12:54 AM 4/11/2006
probably easier if you know what you have to do - like survive (like india said) but still i prefer this setup where you have alot of option, survival is given to you


1:28 AM 4/11/2006
to loni
subject: world
i'd like the world to leave me alone for about one year.





as for the jazz stuff, i don't like all jazz, that is for sure. and some things i like now actually tooks years of evolution of my taste (from listening to other stuff) before i did like them. some cd's that i thought were lame at first moved up dramatically over time in my mind. some did not. so i think it would be a highly unexpected event for you to have my same taste in jazz, considering i would have not have my taste 10 years ago.

and taste is ultimately arbitrary.


most people who listen to jazz have this history of listening to it and probably playing an instrument and probably listening to classical too. and they really hear it and feel it differently than people who haven't been through all that. and most of them are either male or black or both.

i hardly know any white girl that likes jazz, though i've seen lots of black or male people that do. except pam, although she didn't really appreciate it until recently, and i like to think i helped introduce it to her, though i don't know.

"classical" is the same way. though white people seems to be more into it.




10:48 PM 4/13/2006
you could tell opal
aspergers people relatively normal, just not in front of other people. i mean thought process is clearer when i'm not in front of other people. usually. (maybe some nice things have happened on trumpet when i am in front of people)



10:56 PM 4/13/2006
to austin and loni
subject: heaven
given enough time, i suppose we could engineer heaven. but i don't think God will do the work for us.

(assuming there is a division between God and we.)
--end of message
[given enough time, i suppose you could engineer heaven. but i don't think God will do the work for us.]
[if you wanted to]
[so maybe i do believe in heaven]


11:19 PM 4/13/2006
interesting authors spoke of "channeling" meaning something pops out you don't even totally understand yourself

12:03 AM 4/14/2006
it would be interesting to have a girlfriend who was one of those crazy artistic people who doesn't think straight (might get old after a while)

1:31 AM 4/16/2006
bao said i have a way of gently hurting her that is worse than arguments

9:58 PM 4/16/2006
nature optimized brains of people for dealing with other people but my brain just didn't get that kind of optimization, so while i don't deal with people as well, in some sense i can deal with alot of other things better, optimizing for people messes you up for many other things (though dealing with people is extremely important)



7:55 PM 4/20/2006
to loni
subject: psychology
neuroscience is to psychology what chemistry is to alchemy.

eventually neuroscience will tell the story. i suppose a model of the brain at the level of cellular signaling is the first step. followed by analysis of the model - which will be a gigantic task.
[end]


11:12 PM 4/23/2006
teachers committing intellectual harrassment



12:25 AM 4/26/2006
to loni
subject: brain
i think geeks generally get this but alot of other people do not: the idea that your brain is not just "what to use to think" - it is everything. everything you have experienced is a flitter of ions in a brain.




- your brain/spinal-cord is the machine that runs your total mind - and from a scientific standpoint your "mind" is (roughly) nothing but a shadow. you have "free will" only in the since that your brain can generate different outputs based on inputs - just as any other somewhat complex machine has "free will". there is no real different between free will and the other option.




loni sideways comments (none of which i meant bad by but they were interpreted bad)
she's an irrelevant data point
looks like a french prostitute
seeing eye girl to help me get to school (arf)



8:04 PM 5/4/2006
some (lazy) biologists shake the tree and make the low hanging fruit fall - they only eat low hanging fruit that is about to fall. others see a piece of fruit that they want and find some way to take it directly.

9:53 PM 5/4/2006
i remember i got lazy when counting and skipped 20 and said it didn't really matter

10:23 PM 5/4/2006
talking to me is like doing a fourier transform on a discontinuous function

1:08 PM 5/6/2006
driving car to remember way or doing math problems to remember the way or practicing music - nobody can do it for you (no pill to make you learn it as aebersold said) (not yet anyway)

2:36 PM 5/11/2006
asperger's syndrom is like having three arms and one leg


3:17 PM 5/11/2006
i suppose prostitution is like having a Public TV show where you wrestle crockadiles - or doing construction on a skyscraper. I sure as heck wouldn't want to do it, but I'm not saying other people are bad for doing it.


9:41 AM 5/12/2006
one of vasseurs profs said she reads alot but does not read fast


11:29 PM 5/14/2006
uncertainty priniple like a side effect that you can turn around into a law

7:00 PM 5/16/2006
andrew lytle escape the gloomy shadow of my thoughts
i mean he said he wanted to leave soon because i was bringing him down


8:05 AM 5/18/2006
rules to stop people from abusing systems slows everybody - same is true for phd's and science in general (why do you have to get a phd anyway - to stop unqualified people from taking money)


2:50 PM 5/18/2006
romance novel is porn for women

9:55 PM 5/18/2006
melody moore
amy bruckman (moose crossing)
maryanne martone
have similar female CS researcher type personality

12:20 PM 5/21/2006
i don't remember subtle differentces easily - like what my car looks like compared to similar cars

2:54 PM 5/21/2006
i'm like a phone company, bao just used up all her minutes - so there aren't many left to talk.
i like bao.

7:37 PM 5/21/2006
as said to loni
often my brain is study retardant - incapable of thought

8:57 PM 5/21/2006
people are like songs, your perception changes as you listen more
some sound good at first and then get boring and some sound bad at first and become interesting (as you listen repeatitively - or as you listen to the rest of the song)

10:21 PM 5/21/2006
walking with loni i said it's an ATP burning fiasco so it doesn't matter how efficient the path is

1:39 PM 5/25/2006
dropping bao and dropping religion were simiar acts, for similar reasons (need time for other stuff)

3:35 PM 5/25/2006
book and classrooms are ancient ways of teaching, and they are expensive, all that stuff can be replaced with free online ways of learning

8:26 PM 5/26/2006
to loni
subject: rules
all that said i still think it's fine to follow all the rules, if one feels like it. it's just that in general i don't respect "rules", so sometimes i like to take the extreme viewpoint against them.

seems like if you had a few simple rules - like "don't kill or torture people", that would be enough. but actually people will turn their wheel properly at the curb (follow that rule) and then support/create/be a government that murders people in mass. the way i see things we should follow a few principles and none of the other rules matter - although it seems that most are okay when having a million little rules and ignoring basic principles.

i suppose this is what's happening/happened: in our evolutionary history, evolution "discovered" that following learned rules was useful. human brain developed a desire to follow rules, internal mechanisms of inforcement, and a distain for rule-breakers. there are open slots for rules to be filled in, and mostly during childhood, they are filled in. and people go about life happily following all/most of their rules. they don't neccesarily analyse whether the rules is worth following - they just follow it. and actually there is a good reason for that - some of the evolved rules may not make sense at first glance but actually help the society in the long run.

it's just that my brain doesn't have many slots for rules. and maybe it missed out on the propensity to follow them also.

and i think occasionally those slots need to be cleaned out because they are filled with stuff that is there for historical reasons only - no longer beneficial to society or the individual.



11:53 AM 5/28/2006
you have to know your enemy to defeat it
so i study biology
(and when my brain mapping project is done, hopefully you can ignore complicated biology)



9:19 PM 5/30/2006
i think some people read without conscious thought


11:08 PM 6/2/2006
nonlinear means you cant just add something on or multiply to make it right

11:14 AM 6/3/2006
linear means if you have two examples (input and output for two examples) you can guess everything else (with linear interpolation) (consider a line for instance, all you need to 2 points to define it)

11:27 AM 6/3/2006
driving a car or skating in a dream, sometimes i go outside the window of what the dream sees then i can't see where i'm going and crash

10:13 PM 6/8/2006
(think i've written this before)
the level of abstraction a thing can deal with is a measure of intelligence (for computer or animal)
if you say "build a car" and the person does the rest, that's pretty intelligent
if you break it down to simple intructions: move this part here then here.... that doesn't require intelligence (so a stupid computer can handle it)


1:58 AM 6/10/2006
curse truth. i disown thee.

2:00 AM 6/11/2006
i don't want to do any (assigned) math problem - boring or not
but i look back and some are interesting when done



1:11 PM 6/11/2006
to loni
subject human
(the concept of a human relationship is something i don't really have or understand although i am working on it. i mean i like to see people happy, some more than others, and i like to talk to people, some more than others, but these are all sort of disjoint tendencies - it's not all organized into a theory with principles and things - and the organized version i think exists in most people's minds - without effort.)
[not email: bao said i was like a robot that learned things - then i said, yeah - like data on start track learning to be human]


12:17 AM 6/13/2006
to loni
subject: kids
kids have a culture that they generate and maintain one their own. before one generation dies and becomes adult they pass the knowledge down to the upcoming slightly younger generation.
[not email: i remember something about Tiffany Germs in mrs dodds class, ridicule of a child by saying they have germs, it's a kid thing]


1:10 AM 6/13/2006
math has this unique property of being correct


1:36 AM 6/14/2006
to loni
subject: pregnant
ironic that the barefoot and pregnant women are more "fit" in the darwinian sense. they will tend to produce more offspring, and so if there is a direction of evolution for women in modern society, it's in that direction. ironic because the cultural evolution is sort of going the other way.

1:59 AM 6/14/2006
noticing breathing makes it voluntary - not easy to observe your own involuntary breathing

1:03 PM 6/14/2006
nature has figured out mathematics, consider all the math that most be done to reconstruct objects based on images from both eyes

3:49 AM 6/16/2006
people who use jargon see to have something to hide
i'm suspicious of people who use jargon, see to have something to hide
(thinking of loni and her math jargon)

3:54 AM 6/16/2006
i could say i disown all the statements i say
that all should be evaluated by the listener
all are floating around disconnected from me


5:37 AM 6/22/2006
teacher (professor) did analysis of song i had written - analysis that i didn't really understand


3:30 AM 6/24/2006
women harras the people they care about and leave the rest alone


5:47 AM 6/26/2006
male for army
pretty for singer
though it may not be fair, certain attributes will make you more valuable at certain jobs

4:55 AM 7/3/2006
in bang bang song, it's not completely clear to me what's going on but the ambiguity is nice - that's part of why i argue with loni so much - i respect ambiguity in poetic language and she wants everything clear - although i think even she appreciates ambiguity she just won't admit it

6:59 AM 7/3/2006
standards are like condoms, only use them (only) when you have to

6:55 PM 7/5/2006
actors are the most famous people and they don't do anything, just act like people who do


5:39 PM 7/6/2006
loni supposes scientist have more skeptical flying dreams where you are limited (as mine and hers were like that)
she also had limited teleporting in straight lines to places in her sight

12:52 PM 7/8/2006
(historically) it's easy to create a democratic nation but hard to keep it that way


7:40 PM 7/8/2006
to loni
s: banks (this is how i'll notate subject from now on)
makes me nervous when banks go to trouble of putting happy people pictures all over their website and brochures
[like trying to hide something]


8:13 PM 7/10/2006
i'm under the impressiong the neuroscience data (network) isn't ripe for theoretical analysis

4:56 AM 7/15/2006
loni agreed that staying up late sort of has same useful effect as drugs for artist


7:06 PM 7/16/2006
loni does tend to criticise others harshly because they don't understand her although she doesn't explain things in the most understandable way - much like dr. gole.


10:53 PM 7/19/2006
smart women are even worse - they use all logic to justify crazy emotions (emotional conclusions)

1:17 AM 7/20/2006
loni said women argue in rhetorical questions
men make assertions
when women argue with men the men are trying to answer rhetorical questions

7:17 PM 7/30/2006
calvin is like the big guy in princess bride, he can deal with a group of people in coversation, but not that good at handling just one person


12:04 AM 8/9/2006
woman only torture the people they care about
(marie moser may have done this to me)
(for sure nico does this)
(for sure bao does this)
(for sure loni does this to her father)

11:47 PM 8/17/2006
older women have nice personalities
younger women have nice bodies


10:10 PM 8/27/2006
papa was right fire and women are the two things you need to fear

6:44 AM 9/3/2006
birds sing because they can fly - they don't have to worry about other animal catching them


1:50 PM 9/9/2006
at end of dream i heard voice of a woman distorted then heard the actual voice -from outside or downstairs
(dream m. martone had something like a kindergarden at her house and jay was one of the shaparones)
was sleeping on stamach when all this happened

7:00 PM 9/17/2006
there's a difference between being confident because you are good at something and being confident because your confident (or as one person put it, "it ain't braggin if it's true)


11:58 PM 9/21/2006
two kinds of BS
the stuff that's right and sounds wrong (good)
the stuff that's wrong and sounds right (bad)

3:56 PM 9/23/2006
tell james a partial story and his brain will fill in all details you didn't mention
like when i mentioned the collaboration, he thought it was with some random guy (ravi that maryann suggested)

11:31 PM 9/26/2006
school is like driving direction - maybe people besides me actually remember that stuff

4:26 AM 9/27/2006
religion is sort of a virus - a self replicating machine that doesn't really do anything useful except replicate (spread) ... a roman emperor refered to christianity as a disease i think.
replication is through converting others and re-inforcing itself. the more popular religions have ways of reinforcing themselves.


8:30 PM 9/29/2006
alice, ricks wife finished my sentence with the part in quotes
speaking of clinton
(me): you can kill people (war) but
(alice): "sex is a nono"
we were thinking the same thought



1:44 AM 10/4/2006
scientists toil away in the lab to bring themselves happiness (neuroscientists) but will eventually discover happiness is a mere neural phenomenon that can be turned on and off at will and that the idea of idividual accomplishment is an illusion - mostly - built to make people do what they do

3:25 AM 10/5/2006
women telling either other if they look good - only way to do it before mirrors were invented

6:32 PM 10/7/2006
i have no repressed memories